MOTH
After her eruption, Moth had returned to Fellfang, but not to her Skuld. Her breath labored and her shoulders heavy, she hid herself away in the depths of their forests, feeling far too much like a monster to remain anywhere other than in shadows. She found an old tree, leaning back with roots wrenched from the hearty soil and left exposed. Into the opening the she wolf clambered, too ashamed to face any of her pack, curling up as far back within the sprawling roots as she could.
It had been a long time since she had felt that overwhelming fear; longer still that her face had managed the contortion into a snarl. Her head came to rest on her paws, and she pressed her eyes shut tightly to try and block out the world. To try and forget the shame.
Kris’tran had come to her for help. Or maybe it was a coincidence, but he had found her all the same, and she had turned on him. Turned on him just like the wolf he’d been running from. She shut her eyes even tighter, her body brimming with frustration and regret. She had lost control. She was weak. She had let him down, and for what? A touch?
The night did not bring her peace, or slumber. She remained hidden between earth and roots, and if any of the Skuld had missed her, they had not passed by this place at all. Had not seen the dim orange glow of her eyes in the darkness. By the time the soft morning light had begun to spread over the land, she knew she must find him again and seek forgiveness.
She set out across the border once more and toward Aryn, turning her nose to the ground to try and catch his scent. She traced familiar paths toward their allied pack, with trepidation in her step and not much of an idea how she was going to find him. No doubt he had returned to his home, his safety, far from the Fellfangir who had – in one swoop - betrayed his burgeoning trust.
With a deep sigh, she continued on. She must try.
KRIS'TRAN
Moth had turned on him. The wolf he was starting to grow to like. The wolf he was starting to grow to trust. The only wolf to crack into his shell of guarded feelings that wasn't a member of his own pack. A wolf that he was beginning to feel as though he might feel something more for.
...The wolf who turned to snarl at him at just a touch.
He didn't sleep - but stayed balled up in the middle of the Briar Patch, his hackles shuddering the entire time until he fell into a half-sleep; falling in and out of consciousness as the dawn broke through the branch ceiling of his cave. It wasn't long before the nightmares of his past began to rear up behind his closed eyelids and he couldn't help the choked whines that he emitted as he tried to block out the memories.
Everything was falling apart.
MOTH
She kicked a stone as she walked, and watched it skid across the ground with an odd sense of familiarity. Sometimes it seemed as though she travelled through her own life in a similar fashion to that little rock, flying wildly in any direction she was pushed or pulled, completely out of control of her own actions. No - the brown she wolf shook her head in frustration, looking ahead once more. She could not make excuses for herself, for this. There was no higher power, no God that had told her to turn her teeth. It was high time she began to take responsibility for the things she had done, the many errors she had made as she stumbled through existence like an injured doe.
Finally she came close to the border. She stopped, briefly watching the shadows of the trees shrink as the sun slowly rose over the horizon. She cast a glance beyond the fringes of the territory, her nose twitching, seeking a scent on the breeze. But the breeze had nothing to offer, and nothing in the dappled light moved other than the lightest flow of the leaves. Moth sighed, lowering her ears.
"Kris..." She practically whispered hopelessly to the emptiness, withering with shame as she stood alone.
KRIS'TRAN
Hunger was the first thing that prickled Kris'tran to movement as well as the searing guilt that he had yet to contribute to his pack's welfare. As a Courser, it was his duty to be hunting for the pack - but here he was sulking in a state of misery instead. He squeezed his eyes shut as Kris deliberately attempted to calm his own shaking before finally taking a breath to encourage himself out of the bramble cave and back into the light of the breaking day.
His exit brought him close to the precipice of the pack's borders, only a short walk away and Kris'tran stood with a feeling of uneasy indecision. On the one paw he wanted to at least check to see if the brown wolf had followed him back to Aryn for some reason; why, the dark brown wolf did not know. However on the other paw Kris'tran knew that he had duties to attend to and there was nothing really stopping him from performing them than the meager thought of seeing Moth again, even if she did frighten him away the last time.Maybe there was a good reason she growled at you, came the unbidden thought as he unconsciously padded closer and closer to the edge of the woods and toward the open plains that spilled out beyond the southern borders. Maybe you're overthinking things.
Maybe I should put more time into being the best Courser I can be instead...
Before long the strong scent of the borders flooded his nostrils and Kris'tran looked up suddenly, surprised that he had wandered without thinking to the border of Aryn. Hazel eyes wide he stared out into the expanse, wondering if there was some untold reason that he was drawn here. Was it the Will of the One? Was it the Spirits who had guided him to this place? Or was there some untold power that caused his paws to drag him all the way into the open? Kris'tran didn't know but he took the moment to scan the land beyond for a familiar figure. He thought he could see a brown wolf in the grass but he couldn't tell.
Taking a hesitant step over the borders toward the figure Kris'tran tempted fate. "Moth?"He said incredulously but it came out as hardly a whisper as his throat was dry from consistent whining through the night. Then he took another step. And another.
His paws carried him closer as if fighting his logical response to flee back to the safety of Aryn.
MOTH
But the guilt would not leave her. It would go wherever she went, lingering in her shadow. So she forced herself to move forward and reveal herself fully to him, her eyes searching his face as she slowly moved toward him. She dare not get too close, resolute in the belief that he would be too afraid of a repeat action. Her reputation as the gentle and kind little moth had been dashed. He had seen the fire, witnessed the fury she harboured deep within her belly.
Quietly she spoke, her expression filled with concern. ”Kris’tran, forgive me,” She murmured, her voice low under the weight of her worries and regrets. ”I just -” Her words broke away and so did her gaze, casting to the ground in frustration. Her very bones seemed to tremble as she struggled internally with the fears that bound and controlled her. ”I didn’t mean to,” She finished finally, but she knew it was not enough, knew that she was skirting the details.
Too embarrassed to meet his eyes once more, she stared resolutely at the floor. The words that followed were spat toward the ground, dropping heavily like stones, a weight she had carried for the longest time. ”Ever since the fire I… I can’t control it – I can’t be touched.” He had never asked about the scar that marked her, out of politeness most likely, but anyone with any sense could tell it was burnt. The last thing the had touched her before Kris’tran’s side, was Ruffian’s forehead, and before that… it had been flames.
KRIS'TRAN
The pace of his paws seemed to quicken slowly until before Kris'tran knew it he was only an outreached paw away from Moth. He knew it was Moth and not just some figment of his imagination halfway to the brown colored wolf and that alone should have driven him away. But something drove him to her - was it a desire to know what had happened or was it something else?
And as she spoke, he watched her with round eyes as he listened to her choke out what she had to say. Kris'tran let Moth speak - not interrupting and not making any move or change in his expression while he listened. It didn't actually occur to him that Moth had been burned or encountered fire for he himself had never seen a fire or the affects of one. He tipped his head to the side and decided that it wasn't important to him the reason but that she was sharing something very personal with him - or at least it felt like such.
There was a pause before Kris'tran spoke as he waited to be sure she was done speaking before he spoke. His words were equally quiet as he shared his own demons. "We all have mountained obstacles in our lives we face in varied ways," he said slowly. "I do not find the company of other males sheltered no matter whom they may be. My father... he did terrible things to my siblings and I. Every male I see could be just like him..." he faultered and shook his head.
"I do not wish to upset you in any pebbled way," he told her earnestly. "I am mountained sorry for upsetting you. I will not intrude on your space unless you ask in the future. I..." Now he fumbled again but this time it was a flustered sort of fumbling than anguish. "I don't want to have lost a chance to be your friend. I... you are a flowered wolf... I don't know the words to say here..." He shifted uncomfortably as his words trailed away and his hazel eyes fell to the ground.
MOTH
Every wolf carried a darkness, Moth knew that. She could see them following in their footsteps, lingering in their shadows and waiting for the perfect time to break free and strangle their hosts with fear and fury. As he spoke, his voice shaking like a tiny leaf fighting the brave wind, her own worries seemed to pale in comparison. Her orange eyes blinked, lowering away from his gaze so as not to be overwhelmed by the pain written across his face. His ghosts were close to him still, tormenting every new day that he tried to begin again.
Moth could not imagine a world in which you were not safe from your own family. She thought of her mother, a wolf who had done all that was within her power to protect and nurture her child. Moth had been so lucky to have a mother who was so kind, compassionate, and supportive of her. The idea that a parent - be it father or mother - could turn on their own young was repulsive. Clearly it had damaged Kris'tran deeply, with much more venom than the gentle flames that had seared her. Those demons sat upon his shoulder, hissing in his ear to remind him that if his own father could not be trusted, how could anyone else?
"I'm so sorry Kris'tran," She breathed, shuffling closer to the dejected male. She yearned to reach out, to soothe and heal like she had done before, for so many others. But fear held her back, fear stayed her paws and continued to linger in her eyes. He could not look at her as he mumbled and fumbled for the right words to say, and her expression softened, her chest pounding. How could one wolf be so kind? She had frightened him and betrayed his trust and yet he apologised, promised her boundaries unless she was ready. She did not deserve his warmth, but yet he extended the offer.
Nothing had to be lost. Not today, not for this. "We can -" She paused, her throat dry and her heart racing. She never reached out to others. But there was something truly special about this wolf, a certain quality about him that she could not describe. He was much more than he gave himself credit for. Deeply she exhaled, speaking once more, another confession. "We can help each other. I don't want to be afraid forever."
KRIS'TRAN
For a strange, strangled moment Kris'tran felt alone in his memories of his old home and the way he had been treated by his father. Memories he didn't particularly like reliving but he wanted to help those whose fears were holding them back just as he had been helped along the way to face his own fears from the few friends he had met along the way. If he could help someone else fight off their fears that held their potential at bay perhaps he could pay forward some of the kindness from friends he had lost along the way.
Maybe this friendliness will be paid forward in another life and another time like the way of the One always promises.
As her soft voice broke the silence, he looked up as his hazel eyes caught the subtle shift of movement as Moth shuffled forward closer to him. His flattened ears began to slowly turn forward again as she said an apology for something that was never her fault and no one's weight to hold. He opened his jaws to say "It's not anyone's fault but his," yet the words caught in his throat and all he could manage was a fervent shake of his head to distance the friendly wolf from the monster of his memories.
Then she continued speaking and Kris'tran could feel his heart contracting with emotion as a sharp claw of pain lanced through behind it. He hid the sudden pain as the skin hidden under his dark fur on his cheeks reddened. If there was one thing that Kris'tran could concur with, it was that he didn't want to be afraid any longer either. It was like a silent purgatory living without the feeling of comfort and safety that he was sure that his fellow Aryn wolves felt every day that he experienced through watching their actions. Kris wanted to be free of his fears just as much as he could see the same desire in Moth's glowing eyes.
What could it hurt to try? A friend inside an ally pack is nothing to be ashamed of.
"I don't want to be afraid forever either," he responded fervently. "If we can help one another, I would put my most bouldered of efforts into helping us grow together." Kris thought he could hear his heart pounding in his ears but for a moment, even the persistent stabbing pain in his chest didn't bother him. He took a breath before continuing. "Thank you Moth."
Skin by SimplySilent
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