DotW - Unbloomed

After having met a few wolves in Fellfang, Lazarus was just about ready to take his leave. He had left his name here, which meant that he wouldn’t be expected back in Aryn for a while yet. Which would give him plenty of time to get the heck away from this place. He had thought about returning to Aryn more than a few times, but… he had gone too far at this point. There was no going back. And besides, no one knew anything about what he was going through. They had no idea. But he knew, and he knew that he wasn’t going to find what he wanted in Aryn, not with Seven there. Everything was just such a mess.

He was skirting around Fellfang’s western border, planning on heading north until he reached the ocean and then following the seashore west wherever he could. He could walk among the waves and heavy scents and no one would ever be able to track him. He’d be totally free!

But he didn’t know how far the ocean was from here, so he just kept walking. He was in a clearing and saw someone in the distance. The wind wasn’t blowing in a good direction for him so he couldn’t smell who it was. But he had a pretty good guess, given he was basically in their territory. Another Fellfangir. His Arynian Ranger status gave him a free pass given the times so he had yet to run into any trouble, and didn’t expect to now. But still, best not look suspicious, so he didn’t change his course as he got closer to the stranger.


Moth had seen the dark pelted wolf from a distance - an inky blot upon the autumn canvas of vibrant gold, orange and red. She had rooted her paws to the spot, glancing over her shoulders and turning her nose to the air to make sure no other Fellfangir were around. Or at least, no Fellfangir that would compel her to do what she did not wish to do... to make a point to frighten the stranger away from their border, or take what little he had for their own benefit. These new laws in her home... they were strange and unfamiliar. She did not wish harm on strangers who, in turn, meant no harm to them, but Valda wanted the Skuld to bite first and ask questions later. So she watched him from afar, wishing with all her might that he would go away.

But he didn't. He saw her through the forest and the flora and instead of veering away, he picked a path straight toward her. His scent had the smallest hint of familiarity that she could hardly place, but his face did not strike her as one she knew or recalled. Orange eyes widened in alarm and her ears fell back as he drew closer - she was struck with indecision. Loyaly to her Jarl compelled her to inform the others that a loner was in their midst, a perfect target for easy pickings, a wolf that should be scared away from these usually friendly lands. But it was not her nature. She could not bring herself to do what her pack asked of her. and despite it's harmful nature, her inability to follow those rules made her feel almost... ashamed.

When he was close enough to hear her voice, she whispered softly through the trees, her voice almost trembling. "Please, leave this place," She implored, her eyes heavy upon his for a moment before nervously darting around the clearing in search of prying eyes or attentive ears. "Fellfang is not as it once was."



Lazarus’ ear flicked curiously as a soft voice caught his attention. He turned quickly, his silver eyes darting around. He could barely hear who was speaking. I was just leaving, he thought to answer, but he didn’t want her to think he was just some random intruder.

“It’s fine… I’m a Ranger of Aryn. We’re allies.” Lazarus said, still unsure who he was talking to. Finally the ranger caught sight of a shadow through the trees. Was that who had spoken? The black wolf approached slowly, tilting her head, and then he saw her two shining eyes through the shadows. He assumed from her words that she was a Fellfangir. He had hoped not to meet another, after having met two already, since he was so ready to leave this place and everything forever. At least this one didn’t seem like she’d be wanting him to stick around. But she made him uneasy. “Are you okay?”


Aryn?

Her heart, which unusually pounded with all the fury of a galloping herd, seemed to stop dead. Her chest felt constricted and for a few moments it seemed like she had forgotten how to breathe, tightening her jaw and clamping her teeth together. It had been such a long time now since her mate had seemingly abandoned her and their family... so much had happened in the year or so that had passed that it wouldn't be entirely a lie to say she hadn't had the time to look for him. But truthfully... she had been afraid of the answer. Afraid of what she would find. She had never asked for permission to visit Aryn for fear that he would be there, happy and content in a life that she did not share. The thought of rejection was already too much to bear, and the ide of having her imagination validated had been enough to make her back away.

Even now, with an Arynian standing before her, she hesitated. Even as she pushed further out of the trees, revealing her body and her burned face, the many questions dried up on her tongue.

Again she broke her eyes from his, too nervous to keep her gaze in once place for too long. "I'm... I'm fine," She lied unconvincingly, taking a few cautious steps closer to the Ranger so that she could keep her voice low. She couldn't tell him too much, but she needed to make it clear that Fellfang was no longer the safe place he might have expected. "I would not rely too strongly on an alliance to protect you. Fellfang has... changed. We are on strict order to attack and interrogate any lone wolves who pass our land. You must leave quickly, before any the others realise you are here."

It was dangerous for her to tell him so, to disobey orders she had vowed to follow when she promised to follow her Jarl. But... no-one was here. No-one had to know that she had sent him away, that she had let him go.


Lazarus didn’t miss her reaction when he said he was from Aryn. He wondered if he had missed something… surely the alliance hadn’t shifted! He hoped something didn’t happen… either way, maybe this nervous she-wolf would fill him in. She stepped out of the undergrowth, revealing her dark gray-brown fur and a burn scar on her face. Youch… he couldn’t imagine what getting that must have felt like. He stepped back a bit as well, to give her more room to emerge, though leaned back in when she seemed to come closer, as if worried about being overheard. His silver eyes glanced around a bit. What was she afraid of?

Lazarus leaned back again when she finished. He wasn’t a lone wolf (and he’s not too smart), so he was honestly not afraid. After all, their packs were allies and Fellfang would be crazy to start a war with his parents, especially when Rangers had been coming and going just fine weeks before. He had met two other Fellfangirs too, both of whom were pretty cool. Hopefully they didn’t get in trouble. As for him, he was leaving anyway so… he figured it was best to just do so. He nodded, “Alright, I guess I’ll be heading home then. Thanks for the warning, maybe I’ll take the long way around well on the outside of your borders,” he said. This was good, that would explain why he took off not in the direction of Aryn. Not that he expected this wolf to pay attention to that, it seemed like she had enough on her mind. But still, the less suspicious the better. “Take care,” he said as he turned to go.


His reaction was... well, mostly unconcerned. Moth couldn't comprehend being so buffered with confidence as to stand unafraid on the border of someone else's land, especially when someone had taken the care to warn you of danger - in a different situation, she might have been envious. How nice it must have been to be so calm and unshakeable, free from the strangling vines of anxiety and worry she knew so well. This wolf must be exactly what blissful unawareness looked like, bright eyes and all. But, wether he was convinced of the danger or simply that she was mad, he took heed of her words and began to leave.

Suddenly her heart began to pound in her chest. It knew, much faster than her brain did, that her only opportunity to know the truth was taking the first of many pawsteps away from Fellfang and likely would not return again. Take care, came the farewell as he turned his head away, as the tightness in her own skull made her feel like her head was screaming. Fate had given her this chance to know the truth, and she must be brave enough to take it. She could not let her heart rot in her ribcage forever, like a long forgotten prize.

"Wait!" She barked, pushing one urgent step toward him - before realising herself once more and flattening her ears, seeming almost apologetic for the loudness of her own voice. The tremble returned to her legs and she fought to steady herself as, slowly, she formulated the questions she was most afraid to ask. "Many seasons ago, one of your own... made a vow to stay by my side. We were seperated when the fire destroyed Fellfang. He promised that he would follow... but he never came." Her stomach twisted with worry. It was hard for her to speak so freely of this situation, nevermind to a wolf she didn't even know. There was a crack in her voice as she pressed on.

"His name is Kris'tran. Do you... do you know where he is?"


Lazarus stopped as soon as he heard her voice, it was alarmingly loud. He looked over his shoulder at her but by then she looked as nervous as before with ears low and he had to wonder how such a voice had come from this gentle, trembling she-wolf. He turned back to her, his silver eyes resting on her and his ears perked attentively as he waited for her to speak. He couldn’t imagine what it could be, but it seemed like it would have to be important. He only hoped it wasn’t a message back to Aryn, since she wouldn’t know it but he was not going that way.

He thought on her words. She had once been mates with an Arynian? Who it could be. Well, it sounds like they left her high and dry so he supposed it could have been anyone who had a secret double life. But then again… this was Fellfang. And hadn’t Seven once mentioned…

”...Kris’tran” Lazarus blinked as her voice and his mind spoke the name in unison. His heart plummeted. Lazarus hadn’t throught on Kris’tran in a long time. Seven had told him that his last words had been that he was going to Fellfang. Going to Fellfang to be with… “Moth.” Lazarus said. Suddenly he felt stupid for not realizing right away. Moth, that was name of the wolf he was going to be with in Fellfang, right? Isn’t that what Seven had mentioned? This had to be her...

But...

Lazarus didn’t speak for another moment. Kris’tran was dead. How the heck did he tell this wolf that her former mate is dead?? His own heart began to race and any semblence of the calm wolf he was before was gone. “Uhh…” He gulped and debated turning and just running away, but the she-wolf’s bright amber eyes peiced through him and he felt glued to the spot. He couldn’t leave her like this. Not with what he knew, and what she clearly didn’t. “He, uh…” his voice died a bit, “he… died…” he winced, wishing more than anything he could turn tail and get out. He had no idea what he was about to witness but he was terrified.


He knew her name, and for the tiniest moment there was a swell of hope in the depth of her stomach - but it didn't feel pleasant. She wanted to be sick there and then. To rid herself of all these emotions and just be empty again, because empty was so much easier. He knew her name once she gave Kris'tran's, and that meant that Kris had spoken about her at least, to someone in Aryn if not this wolf himself... but that did not mean the news would be good news.

The Arynian's expression remained sombre. He spoke slowly, with hesitation in his throat. Moth clenched her teeth together as if preparing for pain, but when the words came... the act of defence made no difference. The realisation hit her all once like an avalache; heavy. Cold. She gasped, a sharp intake of air hissing as though she had been physically wounded. "...died?" She whispered in an echoing reply, her voice hollow, dumbfounded. Beneath her body, her legs began to tremble. No... surely not. It could not be death. It would have been better that he abandoned them, because even after everything, she would never have wished his death.

All this time... all this time they had waited. All the sorrow she had carried believing that he had changed his mind about her, never knowing what had happened or where he had gone. The things she had gone through, the children she had brought into the world who had never seen their fathers' face... now she knew that they never would. Christian, the boy she had lost in search of his father, was on a fruitless errand and would never find want he wanted, would never find his father. And Misha... how could she tell Misha?

She felt tears pricking her eyes, but she was ashamed to cry before ths stranger. She dropped her head a moment and squeezing her eyes together, forcing a slow exhale and swallowing the flood of emotion. For now. Ears turned back and head still low, she spoke again, though the words were quiet. "When? How?"


Lazarus flinched when she gasped, watching her with wide eyes, just utterly speechless. He had no idea what to say… What had he said to Seven when she found out about Kris’tran’s death? Well… it had worked a bit, maybe if he could just think back… he barely remembered what he had said, in all honesty. It had been such an awful blur that he didn’t even know. For now he chose to say nothing, just watching her, waiting for… something…

Her pain was almost palpable, tears springing in her eyes. Lazarus let out a small puff of breath, looking to the side in distress. He barely knew this Kris’tran guy, but man he sure was giving Lazarus a lot of grief by dying, and Moth a lot of grief, and Seven probably was still missing him! He refocused back on the she-wolf. He had to say something. She beat him to it, though, asking when and how. “He, uh, it was last fall… he was talking to…Se-” he swallowed before continuing to say her name, “to Seven. He was like… her dad. He was telling her that he was going to Fellfang and then he just… died right there on the spot, I guess, I dunno…” he shook his head and shrugged helplessly. “I-I’m sorry.”



Last fall? That was... it was such a long time ago... it felt like a distant, hazy memory.

Last fall.

With a stab of pain in her chest, the realisation dawned on her.

Kris'tran had died before their pups were even born. There had never even been a chance. Everything had ended before it had even had a chance to start, like the flowers that had been smothered by flames before they had ever opened their petals to the sky. Every emotion she had suffered between then and now had been for nothing. All the pain, all the loneliness, all the nights spent awake and gazing at the stars, wondering...

He would never have come. Not even if she waited a lifetime. Fate was cruel, and it had stolen him away, the only gentle, constant feature she had found in this world.

She realised again that she had greeted the lone wolf's words with nothing other than stunned silence. He seemed to come back into view slowly, like a dream or a vision. It was easy to see that he was uncomfortable, perhaps even more so. Slowly she lowered her head, suddenly eager to be rid of his company for reasons much more selfish than those she had approached with. She needed to be alone. She did not want this complete stranger to witness the raw power of her grief.

"I'm sorry... thank you for telling me," She murmured gently, her words heavy with the weight of their sincerity. She found his gaze one more time. "You need to go now, before anyone else sees you."

She had done her part, she had warned him - so she quickly turned her back and moved away. Slowly at first, before bursting into a run as the sorrow of what she had discovered consumed her.